no safety nets (more late night thoughts, on the move.)
Dear all, I must confess. Up until tonight, I was still wavering with my decision to stay in Taipei. I always had, in the back of my mind, that safety net of the American schooling system. I had, in fact, already started the application for transfer to Brown/William & Mary (my American dream-schools, previously), just in case.
Just in case, despite the fact that my heart finds a home in Taipei, and going back to American & doling out 50k per year for its schooling would make it sick. Just in case, despite the fact that there has been a wealth of prophetic insight & words about this move, a story that started long, long before I even came to Taiwan this past summer. Just in case, just in case.
My best friend had let me know that she was always there for me in case I had any questions about my Brown transfer application. Tonight, I sent her an email, and this is what it said:
"Actually, I’m not applying to Brown or any other American school. I really can’t take anymore change in my life. I need some kind of stability to where I’m going to be. I’ve already missed out on the American undergrad experience, I’ll never have that window again—and to be honest, I’m glad that I did miss out on it.
If I miss America, I can always go back for graduate school, but I doubt that I will.”
I need to settle down, and I need to rest. That’s a real risk. What’s the risk & adventure & daring in moving to Taiwan if I’m going to cast a thousand safety nets out of insecurity the moment I move in? I wouldn’t begin to date someone & then immediately begin to calculate the possibilities of us breaking up, or what my plans would be if were to separate. No, of course not I’d dive right in & love, and that’s what I’m committing to do in Taipei. I want to find a good ministry, I want fellowship, I want good friends around me, I want to be vibrant in my school community, I want to develop the talents the Lord gave me & use them to serve others. And it’s going to hurt, but I’m not carving any escape tunnels this time, though the very idea sends chills down my neck. Four years….an eternity!
But I’m tired of living with one foot out the door. I’m doing this, and please Lord—help me through it.